In--out---in----out

I had lived within my own manifestation of hell for too long. I had an 'accident' when i was an infant, that my parents felt completely guilt ridden over. I of course don't remember the incident, but i have lived the effect of their guilt my entire life. To touch me, interact with me or even talk to me brought them overwhelming waves of painful guilt feelings. With 3 other children to focus on, and a very busy life trying to "get ahead", it was all too easy to simply ignore my infantile needs.

It was the best thing to ever happen to me. Granted, i lived a life of intense, irreconcilable pain for 47 years, but incredibly, it showed me the way to heaven, and even unlocked the gates.

I met a child earlier this year. He was a beautiful, 16 month old boy. His eyes were so open and trusting. His purity of spirit was complete. When he touched my soul with his smile, something inside of me got triggered. Considering what i had recently been through, i had no idea that a soul even existed inside of me. In fact, i didn't believe anything 'good' existed in the world. But he so casually, reached in and touched my soul, it sent an electrified shock through me. There is no other way to describe it. I was overwhelmed with feelings of joy and peace. In that moment, i sensed inside of myself that which was blocked by a lifetime of guilt. I have since learned that it has always been there, but i had completely lost touch with it.

This moment with an angel sent me on a journey. A journey to heaven. I have found the access point within, and am able to explore it frequently. Living in a world that idolizes self gratification through selfishness makes it a challenge, but now and then something inspiring happens. 99 times out of 100 it is accomplished through an act of kindness. What form the act takes seems to be unimportant, but the act itself connects me to my very soul, which connects me to heaven, which i have found....IS the connection to all souls....and all of creation.