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Change and Control
- By Dolphin Diva
- Published 12/16/2009
- Changing Behavior
- Unrated
Yes, I am going through the perimenopause, and I want to blame it for everything, I mean everything! But realistically I can't lay all of life's ills at its door. The physical symptoms are real enough. I'm flushing and sweating for England, tiredness and lethargy seem the norm and I'm seriously considering lipo on the stomach region! The main source of simultaneous pleasure in the bedroom of late, is the discovery of a crossword clue...aahh bliss. All these symptoms and more are a real and debilitating burden. However, as much as I want to blame the pm demon for all my actions, I simply can't.
Take Wednesday for example. I quite clearly failed in my efforts, to not think too much. I wont go into the whole pivotal history. Suffice to say, it was my Mum's birthday, an unexpected family gathering, a certain person there who had caused me much pain in the past, result, total loss of control. I am angry with myself, because menopausal or not, I must accept, I think way too much. Why"
The fear of losing control is often an element of pm. I believe this can become a behavioural pattern that is difficult to 'switch off'. I feel I have in some way over the years become a bad person, no longer sure how to be the 'right way'. Through research I have learnt that anxiety and feeling low much of the time leads to an inability to relax. And learning to relax is an important principal in regaining control.
I spend a lot of the time trying to control negative thoughts, which leads to a tense body, a total inability to relax, which in turn creates anxiety, precipitating worrying thoughts or images,and so the ball starts rolling toward feeling bad, and the panic of losing control. It isn't a crime to feel bad, in fact it's a natural part of human existence. Problems arise when we associate feeling bad with a perceived 'inherent' not good enough.
Not feeling good enough ensures that I try to treat my body well. I exercise, I try to eat healthily, most of the time. I try to get enough sleep , although my hormones play havoc with my sleep pattern. However the ability to relax evades me. So much wasted time, thinking, feeling, thinking, the vicious cycle is unrelenting.
Distraction is the key to breaking this cycle. and for me creativityis the distraction that works. Our mind and body are so interlinked, that in some ways it is difficult to distinguish between them. If we are good to our mind our body feels good, and if we are bad to our mind our body feels bad. Similarly, if we treat our body well it can stimulate a sense of well being. But, how do we put this into practice, when our body is betraying us" How can we regain a sense of having control when everything seems to be controlling us.
I needed to feel I was in control of something, anything. For me, the ability to aleviate my feelings of failure and low self esteem required less thinking and more doing! It has been proven, relaxing the mind relaxes the body and I have discovered that creativity is a way towards achieving distraction. Whilst painting, it is almost impossible to have negative thoughts,any thoughts come to that,other than those of my creation. I firmly believe anyone can, and everyone should, develop a way in which creativity touches their life daily. Whilst trying so hard to control what sometimes seems impossible, it is possible to channel this behaviour.
Research has shown that people with anxiety problems often attempt to regain control in other behaviours. They generally exhibit high levels of tidiness, orderliness, list making and planning. Depression is very often experienced by those who exhibit a higher than average level of intelligence.The opinion being, that a high level of intelligence is required to look for reasons, find answers and draw conclusions. These skills can be put to good use. To create a picture, collage, garden, meal or any number of craft projects, requires a certain degree of organisation and planning.
Setbacks are inevitable. But the key to success is perseverance. Whether an attempt succeeds or fails, we must learn from it and keep trying.
The creative tool is a powerful, transformative tool for healing our minds and bodies, our relationships and our world. Each one of us carries this ancient medicine inside. (Kay Marie Porterfield).
Take Wednesday for example. I quite clearly failed in my efforts, to not think too much. I wont go into the whole pivotal history. Suffice to say, it was my Mum's birthday, an unexpected family gathering, a certain person there who had caused me much pain in the past, result, total loss of control. I am angry with myself, because menopausal or not, I must accept, I think way too much. Why"
The fear of losing control is often an element of pm. I believe this can become a behavioural pattern that is difficult to 'switch off'. I feel I have in some way over the years become a bad person, no longer sure how to be the 'right way'. Through research I have learnt that anxiety and feeling low much of the time leads to an inability to relax. And learning to relax is an important principal in regaining control.
I spend a lot of the time trying to control negative thoughts, which leads to a tense body, a total inability to relax, which in turn creates anxiety, precipitating worrying thoughts or images,and so the ball starts rolling toward feeling bad, and the panic of losing control. It isn't a crime to feel bad, in fact it's a natural part of human existence. Problems arise when we associate feeling bad with a perceived 'inherent' not good enough.
Not feeling good enough ensures that I try to treat my body well. I exercise, I try to eat healthily, most of the time. I try to get enough sleep , although my hormones play havoc with my sleep pattern. However the ability to relax evades me. So much wasted time, thinking, feeling, thinking, the vicious cycle is unrelenting.
Distraction is the key to breaking this cycle. and for me creativityis the distraction that works. Our mind and body are so interlinked, that in some ways it is difficult to distinguish between them. If we are good to our mind our body feels good, and if we are bad to our mind our body feels bad. Similarly, if we treat our body well it can stimulate a sense of well being. But, how do we put this into practice, when our body is betraying us" How can we regain a sense of having control when everything seems to be controlling us.
I needed to feel I was in control of something, anything. For me, the ability to aleviate my feelings of failure and low self esteem required less thinking and more doing! It has been proven, relaxing the mind relaxes the body and I have discovered that creativity is a way towards achieving distraction. Whilst painting, it is almost impossible to have negative thoughts,any thoughts come to that,other than those of my creation. I firmly believe anyone can, and everyone should, develop a way in which creativity touches their life daily. Whilst trying so hard to control what sometimes seems impossible, it is possible to channel this behaviour.
Research has shown that people with anxiety problems often attempt to regain control in other behaviours. They generally exhibit high levels of tidiness, orderliness, list making and planning. Depression is very often experienced by those who exhibit a higher than average level of intelligence.The opinion being, that a high level of intelligence is required to look for reasons, find answers and draw conclusions. These skills can be put to good use. To create a picture, collage, garden, meal or any number of craft projects, requires a certain degree of organisation and planning.
Setbacks are inevitable. But the key to success is perseverance. Whether an attempt succeeds or fails, we must learn from it and keep trying.
The creative tool is a powerful, transformative tool for healing our minds and bodies, our relationships and our world. Each one of us carries this ancient medicine inside. (Kay Marie Porterfield).
