Moving on

Picking up from my last blog, which was more than a week ago and I had indeed promised to carry on the next day, but with all the holiday mayhem, I hardly had time to access the computer since the children are home for the holiday season, and of course this is a private issue for me and would preffer not to have my private thoughts which are indeed close to my heart see by my loved ones.  Although my family has witnessed most of the events, but some remain burried in me, because of the shame and distress that they have brought upon me.

The story goes on from here.........
After trying to kill myself that day and it did not work, I was of course taken to the hospital and my life was indeed saved.  At that moment in time, I was not happy about that outcome, I so wanted to die.... dissapear from the face of this planet, I felt worthless and unwanted.  My life took a different turn from that day.  I got kicked out of the house by my auntie, I started living lough from one bus stop to another I do believe that only God protected me from other evil things on the streets.  The events that followed after that, they are simply too long to go into them now.......  I will just give the story in a nutshell.  My son was born on the streets, I remember having a feeling of stomach ache one fateful day, I thought I was having stomach clamps.... very painful ones at that, I barely made it to the hospital gates, luckily some wonderful nurses helped me through to the maternity ward, of course I was so dirty and they just simply assumed I was a street begger...... of course I was!!!!, and I paraded the town where most of my family members lived day and night, but none cared to even look at me.... According to them I was a family disgrace. 

Well... going back to my stomach clamps... I gave birth to a wonderful boy on the New Year's.  Of course being young and all, apparently I lost consciousness when the baby came out.  When I woke up I was presented with the most handsome baby in my arms.  I could not believe that I was capable of producing such a beautiful being after all.  I simply prayed to God to help me raise my child.. Drawing from my own experinces and the pain of not experiencing any parental love, I swore before God that I would never abandon my own fresh and blood, despite the way he was brought into this world.  Looking at that precious child in my arms, I was overwhelmed by fear,comfusion and joy.  But deep within me I knew that the good Lord that had kept me alive so far would carry on protecting me and my child and that my child would get all the love and support that I can humanly afford.  My life was never the same after the birth of my child, I grew more confident, relisilient, focused and I felt a great sense of protection towards my child.  I practically became the "lioness" and would go to any extent to make sure my baby was never in need of anything, especially my love and attention.

I stayed single and alone for a very long time.... almost ten years to be precise, but my life was good and I actually enjoyed being with my child and working hard to better his life.  For some very funny reasons my family at that time had began trying  really hard to establish communication with me... including my own mother who until then had maintained that she was actually my auntie.  But I did my best to avoid them and lead my own life. 
For some strange reasons they actually were really nosy about my private life to the point where they actually dared to call me a lesbian simply because I did not have a man in my life.  My deep secret was preventing me from getting close to a man, but of course I could not tell them what really was wrong with me and why I did not want a relationship.  In a bid to trying to keep my secret safe, I got in a relationship which was of course set up by one of my aunties as a blind date.  Biggest mistake of my life...... but hey am a tough cookie!!!! I will continue this next time... I must cook for my children now.  Love you all and stay blessed.  HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MANY HAPPY RETURNS!!!!