As I am approaching fourty and  with two children of my own, I find myself wondering about my partenity as a person and a mother.  It breaks my heart sometimes when I think that the people closest to me have spent years hiding the identity of my father..  So Ironic though that one day in a heat of the moment one member of the family let it slip..... not to the full extent of me to actually find out the real truth.  It is also ironic that sometimes when I think about how I was brought into this world I can not help but wonder that the twist of fate could make history repeat itself.... and it is at that very vulnurable moment that my faith almost slips.  But I do thank God that I never go so far.

Throughout my life and all the twists and turns I have had to go through I have never really lost my faith in God, probably that was and still is the only corner of my life that I find peace and solace.  Although I do wonder sometimes and feel sick to my stomach when I think about the fact that I am a product of incest, worse yet not knowing wether my grandpa or my uncle might me the father. 

This is the dillema I have, because when it comes to the psychological part of it I have come to accept the idea of what I am.... I have  somehow come  to terms with the fact that the truth might never come out.  But I dread to think that one day my children would ask me about my paternal family, and that really bother's me the most.  I do have my days when I feel so down about it, but then At that moment  grief and weakness I turn my greaf to prayers, and I find that it does help for me to accept my fate.. 

I strongly to believe in God and I know that he has sustained me so far and will continue to do so.  I just wanted to share this with everybody who might be going through the same trauma or know anybody of such.... or may be you might know of someone in the same situation.  I just want you all to know that nobody can change the past, but we can all learn to move on and find inner peace, and just tell you that the pain you experience in life and the scars that are left behind do not simply dissapear, but you can learn to live with them and tell yourself " YOU KNOW WHAT??? GOD LOVES YOU AND YOU ARE A STRONG INDIVIDUAL."  BLESS YOU ALL AND REACH FOR THE STARS.... DESPITE ALL THE ADVERSITIES IN LIFE.  WITH LOVE XXX