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The Sloppiness of Inner Work
- By Spiritual Warrior
- Published 01/31/2010
- Inspirational Stories
- Unrated
Setting forth the intention for inner change sets so many things in motion. Making the decision to be more aware, to want inner peace, enlightenment, to accept people as they are, to accept our own darkside invites all the "stuck on mess" to come to the surface and force us to come face to face with it. This is the sloppy work and I wasn't prepared for it.
I was expecting epiphanies, joyful serendipitous moments, deep awareness, trumpets blowing....but it didn't happen like this, not exactly. What I found was all of the things that made me angry, impatient, judge, hate, dispise, and criticize came at me all at once, all the time. Or at least it seemed that way. I immediately thought, "My God, what in the world did I attract to myself?" I was yelling at my kids even more, I seemed to be even more impatient than ever before, I harshly judged others for judging others, and on and on it went. I wondered what I had done wrong? Why was I receiving the opposite of what I had prayed for?
Then the epiphany came. Well, actually the answer was revealed to me through one of my readings. All of these dark sides of my personality are the areas where I am wounded. In asking to be healed, I have to give it all to God in order to be healed. I learned that He will not take from us what we will not give to Him. That is our free will. Once I opened this part of myself to Him, the inner "goop", as I refer to it, came to the surface for me to come face to face with so the healing can take place. This is the sloppiness of inner work.
And so this is where I currently am. I am trying to respond to people and situations instead of reacting out of anger. Always acknowledging the anger, never again to stifle it. That's where I go wrong all the time. Doing spiritual work doesn't mean I won't get angry, I just have to try not to be an angry person. Being impatient, judgemental, critical, self-hating, etc. all have to be felt, but not held in and not identified with. These personalities are not me. They are aspects of the ego. This is difficult, overwhelming at times and hard to remember, but I will continue to do the inner work no matter how sloppy it gets.
http://jodyjael.blogspot.com/
I was expecting epiphanies, joyful serendipitous moments, deep awareness, trumpets blowing....but it didn't happen like this, not exactly. What I found was all of the things that made me angry, impatient, judge, hate, dispise, and criticize came at me all at once, all the time. Or at least it seemed that way. I immediately thought, "My God, what in the world did I attract to myself?" I was yelling at my kids even more, I seemed to be even more impatient than ever before, I harshly judged others for judging others, and on and on it went. I wondered what I had done wrong? Why was I receiving the opposite of what I had prayed for?
Then the epiphany came. Well, actually the answer was revealed to me through one of my readings. All of these dark sides of my personality are the areas where I am wounded. In asking to be healed, I have to give it all to God in order to be healed. I learned that He will not take from us what we will not give to Him. That is our free will. Once I opened this part of myself to Him, the inner "goop", as I refer to it, came to the surface for me to come face to face with so the healing can take place. This is the sloppiness of inner work.
And so this is where I currently am. I am trying to respond to people and situations instead of reacting out of anger. Always acknowledging the anger, never again to stifle it. That's where I go wrong all the time. Doing spiritual work doesn't mean I won't get angry, I just have to try not to be an angry person. Being impatient, judgemental, critical, self-hating, etc. all have to be felt, but not held in and not identified with. These personalities are not me. They are aspects of the ego. This is difficult, overwhelming at times and hard to remember, but I will continue to do the inner work no matter how sloppy it gets.
http://jodyjael.blogspot.com/
