"Where Are You In There?"

Why is it that when one looks at a family photo, their eye automatically goes to the littlest child first?

At least that’s how I view family portraits.  And, I’m not entirely sure why…It could be various reasons.  NONE of them being my ticking clock :o)  I already have my angel!

It could be the cute little round faces, the pudgy rolls that curl around their wrists & ankles, or the piercing eyes that warm the coldest soul.  But, if we look a little deeper, is there a sheer possibility that we actually MISS the beauty of childhood itself?  Not as it was for us, maybe…but, what it stands for as a whole.  Innocence...the pure beauty of innocence.

When you observe a child, you see life as it was intended to be seen.  Not trudged through or tolerated, but embraced & enjoyed.  Colors are brighter, responsibilities are lighter, the world seems huge & possibilities endless. 

Oh, how I wish I could once again see things through the eyes of a child. 

Instead, so many of us are hardened by things of this world.  We are told to believe certain things, that may not even be true…but the beliefs are popular.  We bend JUST enough not to break, and we teeter on the edge of losing our true selves through the chaos of the day.

Motherhood is one of the most beautiful, yet challenging things that I have ever encountered.  The depths of my love for Genesis FAR outweigh the days that I could pull my hair out in frustration.  She brings joy & warmth to my every moment.  Her laugh can melt any sadness, and her love for everyone amazes me….no prejudices, no preconceived notions…just love.  I’ve never been able to just STARE at something or someone for so long and smile….for just the presence of my child is beautiful…it’s a gift.

All that being said…the stresses of motherhood, at times, can bring me right to that point of teetering on the edge of losing my true self.

As a mother, it’s instinctual to always put your children first.  Some days she looks great & I’m not even out of my pjs.  Her hair is pulled back & styled, while mine looks like I just came off of the latest episode of Survivor.

There are times that I can only look at myself in the mirror & think, “where are you in there?”  I feel lost in my own self. 

But…

It’s important for me to know that answer of “where am I within myself,” because I KNOW that Genesis is learning & gleaning from me, even when I’m not aware of the observations.  So, what are my non-verbals teaching my daughter?  What does she see in me?

Granted, Genesis is my biggest priority, but I have to remember that I need to be a priority as well.  I want her to learn healthy living skills, whether it be exercise, diet, social or non-social skills.  And, I want her to learn that she needs to take pride in herself & who Christ made her to be…not in who this world TELLS her to be.

So, I’m making the effort to lead by example.  I’m not always exactly sure where to start, but the effort is there. 

It truly amazes me the amount of love that a parent can have for their child…it gives me a much greater clarity into God’s love for us. 

“Could we with ink the ocean fill,

And were the skies of parchment made,

Were every stalk on earth a quill,

And every man a scribe by trade,

To write the love of God above

Would drain the ocean dry.

Nor could the scroll contain the whole,

Though stretched from sky to sky.”

~Love of God (Hymn)

 

Remember…as much as you love your child…multiply that times a million, add a trillion, and then look to infinity…THERE you will find how much love God has for you.

So, take pride in that love, and take care of yourself, your relationships & your children.  Stick to your responsibilities, but don’t miss out on the joys of life as well.  Keep your heart softened, and learn to look (once again) through the eyes of a child.