HEALING YOUR SEXUALITY: AN EXERCISE

DEAR FRIENDS- From the standpoint of Bioenergetic Psychotherapy, pleasure is the engine of life. Pleasure raises our spirits, releases our tensions and makes us glad to be alive. We are, in our core, pleasure-oriented and life-positive animals!
  
Pleasure is the great healing force (along with love!) but sadly, many people don't get the pleasure they need in their lives. There are many reasons for this. A major one is that we are trained to be ego/achievement oriented rather than body/pleasure centered. We cannot fully give in to the good feelings we require to flourish if we are chronically tense from too much striving. Our society's excessive drive for doing and achieving gets us "stuck in our heads" and cuts us off from our bodies and senses.

Another reason why many people don't get enough life-affirming pleasure is that subconsciously they don't feel they deserve it! Experiences during childhood, combined with body/self denying religious and societal norms, conditions millions to feel guilt and shame about completely enjoying what feels good.

But the most important factor that creates a lack of deep pleasure in life is rarely discussed or made conscious. It involves how we are conditioned (during our childhood) to cut off the full flow of emotion/life-force through our bodies. And the cure for this is far deeper than re-training our mind (in a meditative, self-observer way...). It's re-training our mind and our body together to trust/experience/feel- more emotion. More life-force! If we try to escape feeling more- more pleasure, more pain, more life-force and energy flow- we stay tense and are literally less alive. But the more we can surrender- to feel and release what is painful, and to love and enjoy what is pleasureable- the deeper we are as beings. And the more happy, sexy, alive and creative we become.

Sexual pleasure is the centerpiece in the great banquet of life. Our sexual sensations can range in intensity from sweet, comforting enjoyment to red-hot ecstasy. When they blend with the love and affection in our hearts, we reach the heights and depths of joy. At those beautiful peaks when our sexual energy is freely and fully flowing, we merge- energetically speaking- with our partner, and even with the cosmos itself. Is it any wonder, then, that our desire for love and our need for sexual fulfillment are the two most powerful forces in our being? 

This simple exercise, when repeated over time, will build up your subconscious voice of self-acceptance regarding your sexuality and need for pleasure in general. If you work with it regularly, you will find that your sense of adventure and sexual enjoyment increases, while your difficulties fade. If you reach a point where improvement ceases, remember that sexual openness depends on overall emotional self-acceptance and aliveness (see my blog "Sexuality and Self-Love"). Gains in sexual satisfaction will begin improving again as you unsuppress and release blocked emotional energy in other areas- for example, buried anger, fear or sadness.

Instructions: Stand (or sit if you cannot stand) before a mirror and look into your own eyes. The idea is that the person in the mirror is in need of your complete acceptance and loving support- and that you (as the one speaking) will supply it!
One-by-one, repeat aloud any or all of the following statements. Speak slowly, working with the ones you choose for a few repetitions before moving on to the next. Try to find the place in yourself that truly believes what you are saying, and learn to let passion and expressiveness come into your voice as you speak. The best way to "get into the spirit" is to speak like you are talking to someone you really love (your child, your best friend, your partner etc.) and you very much want them to believe what you are saying! The more sincere, expressive and passionate you are in saying these self-affirming things to yourself, the more your body and subconscious mind will believe them.
Always use your name, or a tender endearment ("Sweety", "Honey" etc.) at the beginning of each statement. This is essential for gaining your subconscious mind's attention and allowing the words to touch your heart:
"(Your name), You completely deserve to feel good."
"(Your name), I love you and want you to be free."
"(Your name), there's no need to feel guilty or ashamed."
"(Your name), I completely accept your desires."
"(Your name), your sexual pleasure is totally positive."
"(Your name), your sexual desires are totally positive."
"(Your name), it's good to let go and lose control."
"(Your name), it's safe to trust your body and let go."
"(Your name), you deserve to be sexually satisfied."
"(Your name), it's good to move and make sound during sex."
"(Your name), I want you to have fun in bed."
-"(Your name), sex is for pleasure, not a performance."
"(Your name), I think your sexuality is beautiful."

If you don't feel 100% enthusiasm for any of these self-affirming statements, recognize that there is room to grow in your connection to your sexuality. And that your joy will definitely grow as you embrace the goodness and rightness of your lively sexual self!
LOTS OF LOVE -- BRYAN