Blog # 1 - The Man I Created

Friendly hello’s given and received over conversation. Followed by a couple questions regarding their day. I was someone to trust, a friendly guy, a big teddy bear. Multiple conversations going on at once, dates set to party, and to have fun. When I made public appearances at the mall, often would I bump into my conversation buddy’s. A smile on each of our faces while talking about the next thing that popped up. A girl could talk to me without feeling battered into a man’s sexual desires. My websites were covered in pleasant comments and I would be eager to respond.

Until the day that I began to turn my likeability into pure hatred over a thoughtless couple of months. It began with small sexual gestures while talking. “You look sexy”, “Nice body”, and other idiocy. Then I would go from the top of the list and work my way down trying to find girls with a webcam and ask, “cam?”. When they accepted my invitation, I would then ask other disgusting, sexual stuff.

It came to the point where being sexually suggestive didn’t even partake in my routine. I’d search for girls, bluntly ask them to perform sexual favours, and pray they’ll agree so I can get my couple seconds of arousal, knowing nothing was going to happen. I turned into a “disgusting pig”.

Now a friendly hello is quickly shunned away with a deserving “shut the @#$% up”. I now try to be as discreet as I can while going in public. More often then not, I’m stopped by people, and receive some distasteful words.

I look at the man that I created and want to cry myself to sleep, either that or blow a gun to my head. How could I create someone so hated out of a purely innocent kid?