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FORGIVENESS UNDER THE STARS.
- By BRYAN EDEN
- Published 07/10/2009
- Inspirational Stories
-
Rating:
DEAR FRIENDS- I haven't met anyone yet who, in some way, hasn't had their heart broken- shattered by a parent, by a lover, by life itself. I believe that healing our broken hearts is the key to the future- for our own individual lives and for the world we share. We must redeem our love and our joy, which lay sleeping beneath the anger and the pain.
And when we've claimed our grief and anger, and we've given them their voice, and we've released the pain to the bottom of our soul- the healing heart is free to blossom with forgiveness.
The more deeply you've been wounded, the harder it is for forgiveness to spontaneously and unambivalently arise. I must confess that forgiveness came very hard for me. Because I was hurt so badly early in life ( a family history of abandonment, alcoholism, violence, humiliation, betrayal), I had an enormous burden of anger and heartbreak to work through before my absolution could be real, and not a diversion from feelings I had yet to face and heal.
My road to forgiveness was a long, hard journey but the power to forgive lay waiting in my soul .....
Below are the words from my diary that poured forth- along with a hot river of tears- beneath a perfect starry sky, on a summer night alone in the Cape Cod National Forest, years ago. I, who had never even thought about the issue of forgiveness- and certainly was never drawn to "choose" it- was utterly overwhelmed when forgiveness chose me!
On that fateful night which changed my life forever, I was alone in the forest, staring upward in awe and joy at a glorious canopy of stars. I was utterly enraptured by the smell of the pines, the symphony of summer insects, the distant murmur of the ocean.
I was feeling utter peace when the core of my being burst open and I began sobbing uncontrollably and ecstatically. I saw my Mother's face, with the vividness of a vision, and from my heart rose a great wave of forgiveness. In an ecstasy of compassion and sorrow , love and release , I reached out to the spirit of my Mother- who had died a ten years earlier and utterly forgave her for everything.
So many of us are prisoners of the pain we carry, of apologies we've never offered or ever received. I believe it's important that those who have genuinely found forgiveness share their stories, to make it easier for others to find it for themselves. My wish for each of you is that you find the healing road to inner peace. May all souls be free! LOTS OF LOVE- BRYAN
FROM MY DIARY 8-25-05: "Tonite , beneath these pure and awesome stars, the thoughts of my soul return to my Mother. To a little girl's sorrow, born from her own Mother's angry eyes and the weeping wound of her sexual abuse. To her desperate dream that our family's love would defy the past and heal her pain. But this was not to be.
Her ancient and undeserved grief, unspoken and denied, bound her heart in chains of ice. Her frozen hands could not reach out for love, or give it. Her fear and anger barred the breasts that longed to give and her heart wept on the inside. Unable to face her pain and set it free, my mother could not be the one whose love and warmth knits a family a haven and a home.
The pain we have not healed creates our fate. My mother's dream was by fate denied- my childhood home by that fate destroyed. Five souls- her own, my Father's, my sister's, my brother's and mine- buried beneath the stone of the past. But tonite, beneath the grace of God's starry skies, I release the past. Soul unchained I weep healing tears for my mother's pain. With heart cracked wide to the beauty of the night, I bless my mother with love and grief. My old rage, the child of isolation, fades inside these sobs of sympathy. My heart so strong and fragile breaks open at last.
Oh Mom, I want you to know how completely I forgive you. For the anger and despair you passed to me. For the way you couldn't hold me, your breasts beyond reach, your eyes blind to all I needed. Now all is forgiven. All ! Because our pain was the same, demon of your compulsion, not the will of your soul. These tears are the balm of the angel of grace.
You were my Mother. In faith I know you wished me the love you never had. Please know that I forgive you a thousand times. The stone is rolled away, and our hearts are free!
Rest now. Rest beyond guilt and sorrow, and know that I see your blameless soul. Both of us hoped for every child's dream- a circle of arms, a sanctuary. How cruelly we were denied. But the grace of love has healed me in the end. Rest now, Mother. Go to God's loving arms. Forgive yourself, as I forgive you, and know that I am very well."
And when we've claimed our grief and anger, and we've given them their voice, and we've released the pain to the bottom of our soul- the healing heart is free to blossom with forgiveness.
The more deeply you've been wounded, the harder it is for forgiveness to spontaneously and unambivalently arise. I must confess that forgiveness came very hard for me. Because I was hurt so badly early in life ( a family history of abandonment, alcoholism, violence, humiliation, betrayal), I had an enormous burden of anger and heartbreak to work through before my absolution could be real, and not a diversion from feelings I had yet to face and heal.
My road to forgiveness was a long, hard journey but the power to forgive lay waiting in my soul .....
Below are the words from my diary that poured forth- along with a hot river of tears- beneath a perfect starry sky, on a summer night alone in the Cape Cod National Forest, years ago. I, who had never even thought about the issue of forgiveness- and certainly was never drawn to "choose" it- was utterly overwhelmed when forgiveness chose me!
On that fateful night which changed my life forever, I was alone in the forest, staring upward in awe and joy at a glorious canopy of stars. I was utterly enraptured by the smell of the pines, the symphony of summer insects, the distant murmur of the ocean.
I was feeling utter peace when the core of my being burst open and I began sobbing uncontrollably and ecstatically. I saw my Mother's face, with the vividness of a vision, and from my heart rose a great wave of forgiveness. In an ecstasy of compassion and sorrow , love and release , I reached out to the spirit of my Mother- who had died a ten years earlier and utterly forgave her for everything.
So many of us are prisoners of the pain we carry, of apologies we've never offered or ever received. I believe it's important that those who have genuinely found forgiveness share their stories, to make it easier for others to find it for themselves. My wish for each of you is that you find the healing road to inner peace. May all souls be free! LOTS OF LOVE- BRYAN
FROM MY DIARY 8-25-05: "Tonite , beneath these pure and awesome stars, the thoughts of my soul return to my Mother. To a little girl's sorrow, born from her own Mother's angry eyes and the weeping wound of her sexual abuse. To her desperate dream that our family's love would defy the past and heal her pain. But this was not to be.
Her ancient and undeserved grief, unspoken and denied, bound her heart in chains of ice. Her frozen hands could not reach out for love, or give it. Her fear and anger barred the breasts that longed to give and her heart wept on the inside. Unable to face her pain and set it free, my mother could not be the one whose love and warmth knits a family a haven and a home.
The pain we have not healed creates our fate. My mother's dream was by fate denied- my childhood home by that fate destroyed. Five souls- her own, my Father's, my sister's, my brother's and mine- buried beneath the stone of the past. But tonite, beneath the grace of God's starry skies, I release the past. Soul unchained I weep healing tears for my mother's pain. With heart cracked wide to the beauty of the night, I bless my mother with love and grief. My old rage, the child of isolation, fades inside these sobs of sympathy. My heart so strong and fragile breaks open at last.
Oh Mom, I want you to know how completely I forgive you. For the anger and despair you passed to me. For the way you couldn't hold me, your breasts beyond reach, your eyes blind to all I needed. Now all is forgiven. All ! Because our pain was the same, demon of your compulsion, not the will of your soul. These tears are the balm of the angel of grace.
You were my Mother. In faith I know you wished me the love you never had. Please know that I forgive you a thousand times. The stone is rolled away, and our hearts are free!
Rest now. Rest beyond guilt and sorrow, and know that I see your blameless soul. Both of us hoped for every child's dream- a circle of arms, a sanctuary. How cruelly we were denied. But the grace of love has healed me in the end. Rest now, Mother. Go to God's loving arms. Forgive yourself, as I forgive you, and know that I am very well."
