Have you ever had the experience of someone close to you calling you up and telling you a story of something that upset or hurt them only to find yourself dragged down by it? Why does this happen? It is the difference between compassion and pity. When we listen in compassion we can meet the person where they are but we don't take on what they are going through. When we are feeling pity we feel the need to help them fix the situation and we also take it on as though it is our own. Why is this? If you would look at thoughts and feelings as more of a substance or something that carries weight you would understand it better. As the person unloads the heavy weight in your direction you have a choice to carry it or to help them have the strength to carry their own. Parents find themselves most often in this situation. It can be intolerable when your child is going through a tough time and we are more than happy to bear the burden for them if it will make them feel better. The trouble with this is then they never learn to do it for themselves. A great way to help them is to ask questions. How does this make you feel? What do you think about this? Confirm their feelings by letting them know you are sorry that they are going through this. Hold firm as they come to terms with what ever it is they are struggling with. It will take some practice, but if you go the other way and make suggestions on what YOU think they should do next time or how they handled it this time you will quickly learn that the wrath will immediately be directed at you and before you know it you will be in a conflict and even though you intentions were to help it has had the opposite effect. So the key is to always confirm where the person is because that is what they are most wanting. They need someone to see them when they feel someone else has not seen them. It isn't about right or wrong, it is about having their feelings recognized. What good does it do to rant and rave about the wrongness or rightness of yoruself or another person? It is all dependent on which side you are on. So forget about right and wrong and just deal with the feelings that have risen because of it. Soothe your loved one and let them know you care without offerring suggestions or opinions related to the conflict. This way you will be a great relief and help to them.