- Home
- Changing Behavior
- Current Page
The Love Dare, My Day 5 and 6
- By Nicole Lamar
- Published 09/12/2009
- Changing Behavior
- Unrated
Once again I am combining days. This task is made easier for me because I do love my husband and am seeking to rebuild what I've lost touch of and hopefully in the process allow my husband to see my changes and know that I am becoming a better person for both him and for our marriage.
Day 5 Dare:
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their prespective only.
This one was actually alittle akward to ask but once asked was fairly easy to continue and get a clear understanding about Jacob's feelings without becoming upset or justifying my behaviors and feelings at all. Some of the things he listed were things I knew he would list. The items included things like: Trusting him instead of letting my insecurites lead me to wonder things that I know aren't true of him, understanding that right now he needs some time and space as he begins the healing process of our relationship on his end and begins to love me again, and that I'm defensive and a B*tch. All these things were true and I agreed with so it was easy not to agrue when I agreed. I do understand his need for space even though it's not an easy thing to do and accept without pushing him. My trust issue with him is stickly my own insecurities and nothing that he has ever done. This one is hard because it's one of my barriers or walls I put up to try to protect myself from being hurt. Truth of the matter is that Jacob has never broken my trust and there should be no barriers between a husband and a wife so this one needs to be fixed. I do get defensive and am a b*tch so I understood his point of view on this one and can't say that it's not something that I've been told by family I needed to work on. Now is the time to do so. I took a long time through the day writing down repeatedly different ways I could correct my behaviors and prayed that God help me in my weaknesses. I think my prayers were heard because as the hours passed it seemed to be easy to find simple things to do so as to not continue doing the things that he'd listed.
Day 6 Dare:
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of the areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
My husband and I are not in a good place financially at the moment and we had to go to the office to make payment arrangements for our rent for the month. I asked simply and calmly what Jacob was going to be able to put towards rent adn when. The number he gave me was about a $100 lower than what we'd discussed weeks ago and he had almost two weeks to come up with it. He'd gone out a few nights in the past week which I'm sure is where the additional $100 went but instead of getting upset or saying anything negative to him in anyway, I simply said ok and thank you doign doing what you can. It was a simple enough action to not become upset but not one I would have done even a week ago. We avoided an arguement because I kept my temper from forming and didn't blame him.
Below you can find a sample of the list I made of placing to add margin to my schedule:
*I need toi wake up for work earlier so I can get everything done without rushing and becoming stressed. This will help me not take stress from my having to rush out on Jacob.
*I need to make a point of taking a few minutes at least once a day to walk outside the office to talk to Jacob so I'm not focusing on work instead of him.
I need to let go of the following negatives:
*Lust- I've been working on this one actually. I haven't done anything without my husband (aka masterbate) in about 2 weeks and I deleted all pornographic images an videos from my phoen and computer with the exception of the one picture I had of Jacob.
*Bitterness-I've become bitter towards Jacob in so many ways and I have to let go of the anger causing the bitterness.
*Pride- I've acted prideful to the point where I've focused on my feelings and ego over Jacob's.
Day 5 Dare:
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their prespective only.
This one was actually alittle akward to ask but once asked was fairly easy to continue and get a clear understanding about Jacob's feelings without becoming upset or justifying my behaviors and feelings at all. Some of the things he listed were things I knew he would list. The items included things like: Trusting him instead of letting my insecurites lead me to wonder things that I know aren't true of him, understanding that right now he needs some time and space as he begins the healing process of our relationship on his end and begins to love me again, and that I'm defensive and a B*tch. All these things were true and I agreed with so it was easy not to agrue when I agreed. I do understand his need for space even though it's not an easy thing to do and accept without pushing him. My trust issue with him is stickly my own insecurities and nothing that he has ever done. This one is hard because it's one of my barriers or walls I put up to try to protect myself from being hurt. Truth of the matter is that Jacob has never broken my trust and there should be no barriers between a husband and a wife so this one needs to be fixed. I do get defensive and am a b*tch so I understood his point of view on this one and can't say that it's not something that I've been told by family I needed to work on. Now is the time to do so. I took a long time through the day writing down repeatedly different ways I could correct my behaviors and prayed that God help me in my weaknesses. I think my prayers were heard because as the hours passed it seemed to be easy to find simple things to do so as to not continue doing the things that he'd listed.
Day 6 Dare:
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of the areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
My husband and I are not in a good place financially at the moment and we had to go to the office to make payment arrangements for our rent for the month. I asked simply and calmly what Jacob was going to be able to put towards rent adn when. The number he gave me was about a $100 lower than what we'd discussed weeks ago and he had almost two weeks to come up with it. He'd gone out a few nights in the past week which I'm sure is where the additional $100 went but instead of getting upset or saying anything negative to him in anyway, I simply said ok and thank you doign doing what you can. It was a simple enough action to not become upset but not one I would have done even a week ago. We avoided an arguement because I kept my temper from forming and didn't blame him.
Below you can find a sample of the list I made of placing to add margin to my schedule:
*I need toi wake up for work earlier so I can get everything done without rushing and becoming stressed. This will help me not take stress from my having to rush out on Jacob.
*I need to make a point of taking a few minutes at least once a day to walk outside the office to talk to Jacob so I'm not focusing on work instead of him.
I need to let go of the following negatives:
*Lust- I've been working on this one actually. I haven't done anything without my husband (aka masterbate) in about 2 weeks and I deleted all pornographic images an videos from my phoen and computer with the exception of the one picture I had of Jacob.
*Bitterness-I've become bitter towards Jacob in so many ways and I have to let go of the anger causing the bitterness.
*Pride- I've acted prideful to the point where I've focused on my feelings and ego over Jacob's.
