SELF-LOVE vs. SELFISHNESS

DEAR FRIENDS- I have become aware that the topic of Self-Love- unconditionally loving and believing in yourself, from within- is, even in the 21st Century, a controversial one. In my research of the world's current understanding of the experience and effects of Self-Love- as I have personally grasped it, and as I have taught it to thousands of other people seeking its very intimate and personal grace and salvation- is often confused with a negative, egotistical self-absorbtion. Or, as a rejection of what is good and life-affirming in various religions and spiritual teachings of the past.
But unconditional Self-Love, truthfully, opens your mind, body, heart and spirit to a lasting state of happiness and well-being.
I believe that what I have experienced and taught as Unconditional Self-Love is the core of what the religions and spiritual practices of the past have been struggling toward. The whole-bodied, open-hearted and spiritually enlivening experience of ourselves, of each other, and of the beautiful gift of Life!
Let's get right down to it- to love and believe in yourself, in the way I describe it- can only lead to the greatest good. Both for you personally, and for humanity as a whole. There cannot be any greater difference between Self-Love and egotistical "selfishness" than that between the radiant health of body, mind and spirit- and a tense, pain-ridden, hellish feeling of self-doubt and self-rejection.
So here are some basic thoughts about the life-affirming difference between Self-Love and "selfishness-egotism-narcissism". May they assist you in unconditionally loving and believing in the beautiful person that is..... YOU!!
To begin, the type of self-love I'm describing leads to greater compassion and caring toward others. It opens your heart in the deepest way, and an open heart is instinctively kind to others. The "Golden Rule" (which in many ways is the bedrock of all religions) is to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Have you ever wondered why this is so hard for people to do, so much of the time? It is because we don't love ourselves enough- aren't kind, tender, accepting, warm enough to ourselves- so being kind and loving to others involves giving something that we ourselves are starved for.
If you understand this, you will see how the practice and achievement of healing Self-Love is fully in service of the "Golden Rule". Self-Love, the way I describe and define it, always leads to greater inner peace and emotional security within us, and more happy, caring relationships with others. What you see in selfish people is the result of deep feelings of insecurity- fear, in other words.
Very selfish people don't feel loved- by themselves or anyone else. They are greedy, grasping and insensitive because they are afraid and feel isolated. This is the exact opposite of what the practice of Self-Love creates. Do you see what I mean?
Lastly, I have been repeatedly asked- by fellow psychologists and seekers from many practices and traditions- whether  what I am describing as Unconditional Self-Love is only the experience of what psychology has defined as"self-esteem".
Here is the truth: Self-esteem is one aspect of Self-Love- and an important one! But there are many other, equally important aspects to Self-Love as I am describing/defining it. For example- self-nurturance (the ability to see and feel what you need, and give it to yourself); self-validation (the ability to see and affirm the basic "rightness" of who you are), and a deep feeling of warmth and tenderness toward yourself.
My friends, you cannot judge the truth and benefit of practices such as prayer, meditation, yoga, or Self-Love- without sincerely engaging in them for yourself, over a significant period of time.  I passionately urge you to add the practice of loving and believing in yourself- as described in "The Four Declarations"- to whatever religious/spiritual path you are already committed to.
I guarantee that it won't turn you into a self-absorbed, selfish person. But, rather, into a happier, more self-confident,  kinder, more caring one- toward yourself and others! LOTS OF LOVE- BRYAN