Experiencing My Own Birth

Did you know it is possible to recall and experience your own birth? It can reveal some very important information to you about yourself and how you live your life. When I was a small child about 7 or 8 my mother was getting ready to go out for the evening. I never wanted her to go because I had several older sisters who were not very kind to me when she was gone. They would make me go to bed early and turn out all the lights in my room and I wasn’t allowed to come out. This particular evening I begged my mom to stay home. She kept saying everything would be fine and ignored my pleas and treated me as though I were over reacting. I remember curling up in a little ball hugging myself and rocking back and forth saying, “Get me out of here.” After a short time of doing this I had an experience that took me over 35 years to finally realize what it was. There was a lifting sort of feeling and from that it went to a squeezing feeling. I could see a tunnel, it appeared to be red in color. I was very uncomfortable and it was as though something was happening that I was unable to stop. This went on for a short time and I them came out of it. I remember even as a child being very shocked and struck by what has happened. I tried to tell my mother something had happened to me, but now she was beginning to be irritated with me for trying to get her to stay home again. I kept trying to tell her something had happened, but I didn’t know what it was. She finally became angry with me and couldn’t understand what I was trying to tell her. At the time I had no idea what it was just that something had taken me on some kind of trip that I couldn’t understand. For years I thought about this situation, I was never able to forget it. Then when I was 25 years old and in the delivery room having my second child it happened again. I was having some difficulties and had reached the point where I felt I couldn’t go on. I remember pulling inside myself again and saying, “Get me out of here.” Almost in an instant I was thrown into the same scenario and immediately recognized it from when I was a child. I could see the tunnel again. This time it went on a lot longer and was more detailed. There was a flash of light, and then it ended. After my son was born I told my husband about what had happened. I had told him about the experience when I was little years before. Still I had no idea what it was, but I knew it was somehow brought on by my thoughts of escaping from somewhere I was afraid to be. Another 13 years go by and I was meditating and thinking about some of my personal traits and issues. All my life I never wanted to have anyone do anything for me. If I had a baby I didn’t want anyone coming over and cooking or cleaning. I never wanted to be a bother to anyone. I would always go without, never make my wishes known, and happily go last where ever I was. I closed my eyes and asked myself, “Why don’t I want to be a bother?” I just kept repeating the phrase over and over. Suddenly, it started again, this time I was determined to stay with it. I saw the tunnel, I looked at it in detail, I could make out that it was the inside of a body. I felt all the sensation, of traveling through it. It was tight and there was much pressure on me as I was moving through it. I had a vision of my mother at a young age with her long hair down. She was moaning and pushing with all her might. It was then that I realized what I was witnessing. Nearing the end I could see the light coming, this time it didn’t stop. Suddenly I felt myself emerging into the light, I could hear voices and sounds. I felt a relief as the pressure came off of me. I heard the words, “It’s a girl, do you want to hold her? “No,” my mother said, “I am too tired.” I felt myself thinking, “I promise I will not be a bother.” There was the answer to my life long question of why I could never receive any kind of help from anyone. I got an over all feeling of the oneness. I felt the nurse wince as my mother said no to holding me. I felt the doctor thinking that isn’t a good thing. I felt my mom, feeling too tired with 4 children already at home, knowing she had to get all the rest she could before the responsibility was all hers. I felt myself, understanding everyone in the room. There was a brief moment of thinking maybe this wasn’t a good choice for me. Finally, the veil of forgetfulness falls and the memory is lost. This experience answered many of the questions about myself that I was never able to understand. There is so much about ourselves that we can learn if only we ask the questions. I have spent my life since with an expanded awareness of knowing that there is so much more we can know about ourselves and life if only we want to.