AWAKENING YOUR "INNER MOTHER": A SELF-LOVE EXERCISE TO RELEASE YOUR SADNESS.

DEAR FRIENDS- The truths that free us forever revolutionize the way we see ourselves and the path of our lives. Many liberating realizations are frightening at first, only to end up being the healing insight we had always needed. To help you on your road to inner freedom and lasting happiness I would like to offer you two such challenging- and healing!- revelations.
The first is that everyone carries within themselves a burden of unreleased sadness. As I will explain below some of our core sadness is currently felt and much is suppressed and held unconsciously in our bodies.
And the second truth is this: that the unconditional Self-Love you need to let your sorrow go truly exists in you. And you can learn to call on that love to set you free- permanently!
Why choose to face the sadness within you and work to release it? The answer is that our stored-up emotional pain powerfully impacts our daily mood and highly influences the way we see life, ourselves and each other. Our search for lasting inner peace and daily happiness cannot be fulfilled if our bodies and spirits are weighed down with sorrows we have never released.
But opening your heart to your pain- with fearless awareness and tender compassion- frees your body and spirit, enabling you to finally claim the deep well-being you deserve. I want to inspire and encourage you to face the burden you have been carrying. And offer you an empowering practice to help you release yourself and rise in joy- once and for all!
The foundation of happiness is unconditional self-acceptance, and to achieve this you need to completely accept your feelings. This is a simple thing to say, but not an easy thing to do! Our families, societies and religions often teach us to fear/mistrust/feel guilty/feel ashamed of our authentic emotions, so there is work to do to re-connect to your feelings, your body, your true self.
Thus to reclaim ourselves and restore our natural joy we need to take a courageous and positive approach to our feelings of sadness. The key is learning to bring the tenderness and devotion of a loving Mother to the work of feeling and letting out the pain.
There are four basic steps that will enable you to release your accumulated sorrow. They often need to be taken simultaneously, but for the purpose of explanation I will describe them in sequence.
The first and most important step is admitting to yourself that you are carrying unhealed pain. This brings you out of denial and activates your core life-force, which passionately desires to let it go and be completely free!
Second, you need to investigate what you are sad about and why. You may be aware of some of the sources of your sadness- for example a failed relationship or a cherished dream that never came true. Your quest for liberation starts with what you already feel and know.
However it is also true that the most powerful hurt and sorrow stored within us always originates from early in our lives. The wounds and losses, the betrayals and abandonments we experienced during infancy, childhood and adolescence are suppressed into our bodies and unconscious minds. People universally "transfer" the emotional power of these stored-up feelings onto present-day experiences- and especially our relationships! Our hurt and disappointment about the present day is amplified by these "emotional buttons". One of the greatest spiritual awakenings you will ever have is to realize that you are responding to other people and life through the "emotional lens" of painful conditions and events that occurred long ago.
So when your work to heal your sadness gets "stuck", this is likely due to its connection to the unhealed pain of the past. At this point working with an experienced therapist often leads to a major breakthrough.
Third, you must develop a courageous and unconditionally accepting relationship with your sorrow. The "Mother's Arms" practice will teach you exactly how to accomplish this. This is the essence of self-love- the willingness to touch and hold your genuine feelings with the devotion you would give to a helpless child. It is this "motherly" caring toward yourself that opens your heart wide enough to surrender and let all the sadness go.
Fourth, you must learn how to skillfully release your stored-up pain through Nature's sacred channel- full and free crying! This involves unlocking your breathing, connecting to the pain and then surrendering to your uninhibited sobbing and sound. To get a clear sense of the kind of release that permanently cleanses you of stored grief and pain, observe newborns and very young children as they cry. Their entire bodies are involved, their breathing and sound are uninhibited, and they hold nothing back. You were born with the same freedom of expression, which has since become suppressed. By regaining it over time, you will successfully unburden your heart and make room in your body for your spirit to soar in joy!
In my personal journey through heartbreak and despair, and in my work with my clients in therapy, I have found that people are often reluctant to engage with their sadness for fear of getting "stuck" in it. They fear that once they start crying they will never stop! Let me reassure you that this didn't happen to me, and it has never happened to a single one of my clients and students. This is because when you learn to work with your sadness in a dynamic way you feel a consistent sense of progress and a growing faith and aliveness.
As proof I offer my own experience. Among the traumas that broke my heart were my father's beatings of me and my siblings; my mother's suicidal depression and alcoholism; the complete lack of touching and physical affection in my family; and the silencing of my feelings about it all through relentless guilt and shame. Something in me died- my hope, my ability to be myself, my trust in life and my joy. To return to life I needed to feel all that had died in me- and be reborn.
During a climactic struggle I unceasingly worked to break through the walls inside me and release my primal sadness. Like a salmon swimming upstream I was moved by an unstoppable instinct to get home.
I promise that this same indomitable spirit- the core life-force itself- dwells within you should you ever need to call upon it.
Every day for seven years I would prepare myself to come alive and surrender into my depths by doing zen meditation and warming up with yoga. Thus centered and with my energy in motion I would then melt into my body and emotions with the Bioenergetic exercises I use in my psychotherapy practice. In doing this layer after layer of sadness and pain came into my awareness and was released through full-bodied crying.
At the start of this process I was terrified of the enormity of my aloneness and sorrow. It crushed down on me like the weight of a mountain, suffocating my every breath. Overwhelming panic and despair made me want to give up. But the power of love was stronger and in the end my river of tears washed that mountain of sadness down to the sea. Every day, month and year of this self-loving work awakened my body and spirit and resulted in greater energy, aliveness, inner peace- and joy! Yes, the ultimate path to your joy passes through the loving and dynamic encounter with your sorrow.
The practice below prepares you to work with your sadness in an attitude of trust and acceptance. It will sustain your spirit by activating your devotion and Unconditional Self-Love. Deep in your body and soul is a Loving Mother, a beautiful piece of your core self. She sees your sorrow and feels it with you. Your Inner Mother will never leave you and will hold you until all the pain is gone. Awaken her with this exercise and run into her arms when you need to be free and cry!

THE "MOTHER'S ARMS" EXERCISE.
1. Stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eye. As you do, imagine that you are the kind of Mother who is always encouraging and knows exactly what to say. The basic concept is that the person in the mirror needs love, support and reassurance, and you are going to supply it. As unnatural as this may feel at first , I promise you will get the hang of it very quickly!

2. As you keep eye contact with yourself, one-by-one say these phrases. Say them out loud (this is essential) and say your own name (or a tender endearment such as "sweety" or an affectionate nickname) at the beginning of each phrase (also essential).
- "___ I see that you are sad."
- "___ there's no need to be afraid. It's completely safe to feel what's inside you."
- "___ every tear is precious to me. There's no need to feel guilty or ashamed."
- "___ it's good to cry. You can trust your body and let go."
- "___ it's safe to let go and let it out. I love you and I'm holding you."
3. Lastly, say something to yourself that you really need to hear right now. The more you need to hear it, the greater the healing that results. Always speak to yourself with the nurturing/encouraging/loving attitude of your Inner Mother!

As you work with each phrase, stay with it and repeat it a few times. Attune yourself to that place in you which sincerely feels and believes what you are saying. If you are frightened or ashamed of your sadness and crying, that sincerity may be difficult to find at first. However, it won't be long before the "Inner Child" in your heart senses that you are truly there for her/him, and your tears and sounds will begin flowing spontaneously and naturally.
Remember, the release of crying is always good for you- so trust your body and let go!
You have absolutely nothing to fear from working to release your sadness- and EVERYTHING to gain! The more we let go of our pain and sorrow- and the fear that keeps it suppressed- the more room we gain in our bodies and spirits for the joy and aliveness we long for.
There may be times when- to face and work through a primal level of your sadness- you need the extra measure of support and training that a skilled therapist can offer. Listen to your intuition about this, and don't hesitate to love yourself by reaching out for the help you need. You deserve it! WITH ALL MY LOVE, FAITH AND TENDERNESS- BRYAN