DEAR FRIENDS- Are you struggling with doubt and despair? If so please trust me when I tell you that you are definitely NOT alone! I have walked down the dark paths you are treading and I completely understand what you feel.
I swear to you, as one who has "been there" to the "bottom of the bottom", that there IS a way to the other side. Keep reading and I will tell you the hard-earned secret of where your despair really comes from- and how you can be free of it forever!
In my own life, in my work with my clients and from my open-hearted observation of the human condition arrayed before me, I have seen how most of us suffer from a painful "crack" in our faith.
For some, the hopelessness we carry is hidden- even from ourselves. The feeling is suppressed and only peeks through in masked form- a recurring depression, the lack of excitement and optimism about life, the haunting sense that "something is missing" and the joy of living is eluding us.
For others of us our despair is very vivid and anguishing. Our light of hope has died we are left with nothing but a terrible sorrow and emptiness in our hearts. We simply can't believe that we will ever be free and happy. No faith flickers inside that we can ever recover our health, find the joy of love, make our dreams come true......
For people who harbor suppressed hopelessness, it eventually reveals itself from the "trigger" of a powerful loss or disappointment. The death of a loved one, the breakdown of a cherished relationship, our failed efforts to reach a deeply held goal break down our defenses and allow our underlying despair to flood through us. It can be shocking and profoundly disturbing to come face-to-face with how painful it feels to lose faith in ourselves and our lives. As I once did- in my long struggle against suicide during my 20's- many of us feel so bad that we want to die.
Here is what I learned about despair from my personal journey through the "dark night of the soul" to the inner sun of Unconditional Faith. I was absolutely amazed to discover that whenever we feel hopelessness about the future of our lives- THAT FEELING IS COMING FROM ANOTHER, OLDER SOURCE. In short, the despair we are experiencing is a projection onto current-day events, and our future possibilities, of an unmourned heartbreak from long ago.
And only one thing has the emotional power to break our inborn, natural faith- and that is a significant loss of love in our early lives.
Every single one of us was born with a complete trust in ourselves, the world and life. We are made from Life Itself, and our sense of the goodness and rightness of ourselves and our world is natural and total. Unconditional trust is our native state!
But when an important breakdown occurs in our loving connection with those who are most important to us- primarily our parents- our innate faith is disturbed. If, for example, our Mother shatters our core instinctual expectation to be lovingly connected through breastfeeding, our trust in our own body's needs and the world's ability to fulfill them is broken.
Or, if we are abused to any degree- physically, sexually, emotionally- our heart's primal trust is severed and hopelessness is implanted into our deepest expectations about life.
The early heartbreak/loss of love that we unknowingly "project" onto the present day- and our future- can arise from other experiences. For example a parent might have died, or a divorce may have occurred, and our families failed to give us adequate support in facing and healing that pain. Our Mother or Father might have abandoned us emotionally- either by a lack of affection or an inability to understand and warmly accept our authentic selves. Given the distortions in child rearing around the world- and the wounds our own parents suffered and unknowingly passed on to us- many if not all of us were shamed, saddled with guilt, or painfully misunderstood about some of our core self-expressions.
For example- how many little girls are made to feel guilty for being angry and self-assertive? Little boys are still being shamed for displaying the most basic and natural release of all- crying!
And when our sexual sensations began to develop- usually between age 3-6- how many of us were frightened/shamed/guilted about our joyful self-exploration through masturbation? In this latter case- as in all situations of the True Self being rejected, misunderstood or thwarted- the innocent, natural child feels unloved and alone. And despair about ever being fully loved and accepted creates the "crack in our faith" that affects our response to our disappointments and losses later in life.
DESPAIR, THEN, IS ALWAYS ABOUT THE UNHEALED PRIMAL LOSSES OF THE PAST. If our inborn and unconditional faith were never significantly damaged we would respond to losses and setbacks in the present day- even very serious ones- with sorrow but with no feeling of hopelessness. We would retain that deep, primal feeling that life is good and that in the end all will surely be well.
My friends, whatever you are going through remember that the future is always an open book. No matter how hopeless you feel, the reality is that happiness and fulfillment are your destiny and forever awaiting you. And it will definitely be yours when you wake up and see that it is the past that is making you lose trust about your future. Look within and discover how you first lost your Unconditional Faith- and let that pain and heartache go.
I promise you from the heart that if you do this your hopelessness will dissolve and your faith and joy will soar upward like the Phoenix rising from the ashes! Believe it! LOTS OF LOVE- BRYAN